Published by Lugh on 20 Dec 2006 at 09:25 am
Why?
How can I really say how I feel?
How can I tell you?
How can I put into words what’s happening inside of me?
How can I know it’s true?
Why do I feel this way?
Why do I question my past?
Why do I look deep inside for truth?
Why do I reject what’s before my eyes?
What makes me feel this way?
What makes me question my life?
What makes me look for answers I know?
What makes me believe the lies?
When did I start feeling this way?
When did i begin asking why?
When did I yearn for answers that are right before my eyes?
My heart calls our for vengeance, my soul cries out for revenge,
My love calls out for forgiveness, who, I pray, will win?
A voice cries out from in my head, a voice filled with grief, a voice bursting with sorrow –
A voice from my past.
I can not place what I hear.
I only know I can not dismiss it.
I know I can not trust what I hear.
Nor can I resist it.
Confusion, chaos, anarchy — sisters of hate.
They want my heart and soul to listen.
But my love, above all else, will stand firm.
With out unity, no one is in control.
With out oneness, none can rise to power.
But which will conform?
And which will not?
Turmoil, passion, fury — all these I feel.
Harmony, peace, love — these, too, I feel.
I fall into fits of anger, yet feel compassion for those I’ve hurt.
I give freely of myself, to those less fortunate than I, yet, for them I feel contempt, and hate.
Never will I understand why I feel the way I do.
Never will I comprehend these feelings about me.
Never will I fathom the depth of the way I feel.
Never will I try.
Now, again, I question.
Do I want to unleash this power?
Am I ready to stand tall on my own?
If the world is against me, am I able to stand firm?
When I let go of the hatred inside,
Will the outpour be creative or destroy?
When I let go of the hatred inside, will I be better for it?
When I stand firm on the love inside, will I be able to for long?
When I stake a claim in my heart, will I choose the right one?
Why do I fear the feelings inside?
Why do i question their rights?
Why do I hide myself?
Why do I wonder which is right?
Why do I question the world as a whole?
Why do I feel it’s a hoax?
Why do I choose the hard roads?
Why do I run from me?
When will I find the answers I seek?
When can I open my eyes?
Unable to listen and believe, only with my heart,
I need to see cold hard facts, before my trust I impart.
Unable to trust what I know, what I feel and perceive,
I have to see it with my eyes, only just to believe.
Always questioning the truth, always looking for why.
I know the first step to healing — blind trust, faith, no matter the why.
Stepping blindly on a road I can not see,
Trusting someone will be there to guide me,
Silently I watch others go, wishing, hoping, praying, but unable to let go.
WHY?
3 Responses to “Why?”
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Centaur on 20 Dec 2006 at 11:23 pm #
All I can say is wow. I am speechless. This is a very moving poem. I have read it three times, and each time I get something different.
It feels like pure power - the heartfelt raw emotion transferring onto the page. Too many amazing lines to quote.
We will all take different things from this - but one truisum will remain a constant.
Lugh - you are an extremely gifted writer.
Lugh on 20 Dec 2006 at 11:48 pm #
why?
my response
Words still really don’t come
Feelings are still hard to share
Focus is still very blurry
But truth, shining brightly, is there.
Skeptic always, taught through
Questioning even what’s clear
Then suddenly it hits me
The answers are right here
Before me is the wall I built
of hate and despair
Over it my love forces me to look
I yearn for what is there.
Peace, Harmony, Joy and Love
Acceptance and forgiveness
All dwell outside my wall
Fed by the giver of life, to this I bear witness
Again a voice inside my head
heard deep in my heart
Told me the first step to healing
and implored that i take part.
Blind trust and faith
to overcome the wall
I listened and began to climb
Shortly I was astride, affeered I was to fall.
A voice cried out to me from the dark
“Come back - you’re just in a slump
You were happy, at ease, comfortable here.”
Another, from the far side said — “Jump!”
Fear gripped my heart and faith did, too.
I closed my eyes and let myself fall
I tumbled slowly through the dark
I was free of the wall
I stepped blindly on a road
I could not see
I trusted someone would be there -
to Guide me.
That’s where I met my God.
Blind faith and trust in truth
were all he asked of me for a start
I bare my eternal soul as proof
The search is over
The battle is being won
My love claims victory
My heart chose the holy one.
Terra on 22 Dec 2006 at 10:00 pm #
Awww. I’m not sure what to take from that poem–either of them really–but they’re clearly very heartfelt. You can definitely read your own perceptions into them.
**huggles**